Boundaries....
That sounds like a bad word, doesn’t it? Â Well, depending on how you use them, they can be both harmful and helpful. Â I mean, you can have such rigid boundaries that you keep all the good stuff out and bad stuff in. On the flip side, you could have such porous boundaries you let all the bad stuff in and keep all the good stuff out.
Now, that’s crazy…but it’s true.
Facts…If you want to have healthy relationships in life, boundaries are crucial. However, setting and sticking to boundaries is a skill that can be difficult for some people to master.
True story, I remember having to get some serious help with boundaries. Â I felt like folks at work were driving me insane. Â I went to my pastor for prayer and chile…I was sent away with a book to read. Â Yeah, not what I was expecting. Â First of all, I did not realize that what I was experiencing with people driving me insane was my issues with boundaries.
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I complained about leadership not doing their part, etc., etc., and realized that I was simply doing waayyy too much in every aspect of my life for every person in my life (home and work). Talk about getting hit over the head with some hard (and much-needed) truth.  Whew!  A decade or two later (told ya, I am aging gracefully 😅), I am super grateful for that lesson and pass it on to every woman I meet that could use the same.
When you set healthy boundaries, it means you understand and know what your limits are. It helps you to improve relationships, become happier, and better fulfill your needs. How can you build better boundaries if it isn’t a skill that comes easy to you? Below, you’ll discover some great tips you can follow.
Tips for Building Better Boundaries.
Identify your limits
It will be difficult to set boundaries if you don’t know what they are. Each of us has different limits we are willing to accept. So, start by writing down your mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional limits.Â
Think about what makes you feel stressed and uncomfortable. What are you willing to tolerate, and what things are not OK with you? Once you have a list of your limits, you’ll better understand the type of boundaries you need to set.
Say no without giving a reason
A great tip for setting better boundaries is to start saying no without providing a reason. Have you noticed that when you want to say no to something, you feel like you need to give an excuse? Often, this leads us to make up an excuse, leaving us feeling guilty afterward for lying.Â
Learning to say no without giving a reason is much healthier. You don’t owe anybody an explanation for not wanting to do or accept something. This may be a tough tip to follow, but you’ll be surprised how free you feel when you start saying no without explanation.Â
Give yourself permission
The main things that set us back from creating boundaries are self-doubt, fear, and guilt. It could be that you are worried about the other person’s response. Or maybe you feel like you should be able to cope with doing certain things, so don’t feel comfortable saying no.
Give yourself permission to set boundaries. Realize that setting boundaries is healthy. Not only do boundaries contribute towards better relationships with others, but they also build up your self-worth too.
Step back from toxic relationships
Many of us have a toxic relationship of some kind. Whether it’s an unhealthy relationship with our friends or family, stepping back is one of the best ways to build up boundaries. If a relationship is no longer serving you, taking a step back is one of the most rewarding things you can do for yourself. Putting yourself first in a toxic relationship is never selfish or cruel. If anything, it is necessary for your happiness and well-being.
These are some of the best ways to build better boundaries. Once you have firm boundaries in place, your life will be much happier. You will start to feel more empowered and in control of your life. It isn’t just your right to make choices that best serve you; it is also a necessity.Â
Now, I have a couple of resources I want to share with you. I call it putting a few extra tools in your toolbox.
Here are two pretty good books I highly recommend to help with building healthy boundaries:
- Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud
- Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab. (There is a workbook also. Â I’ve used aspects of this when I work one on one with clients)
Other resources: (from Shawanda R. Randolph Ministries)
- Self-Love Journal. Contains prompts to help you on your journey of practicing intentional self-love
- Self-care for the Busy Woman Planner
- Learning To Love Yourself Workshop
