Learning the art of fighting. What does that mean?
For some it means the hard battle, fight to win for themselves. Making others hear what they want “them” to hear. Overpowering and overtaking another person. But what I learned about fighting was overcoming the challenges before me so that I may have those things that were rightfully mine to live a prosperous life. Those things were love, peace, and hope.
I had to learn to be tough.
As a child, before I was sent out into the world to tackle society’s structural educational system, I was already learning to stand up to those to who bigger, stronger, and tougher than I. Who had a larger and louder voice than I, but I learned quickly not to be intimidated because I had a “growl” inside of me that helped others recognize that, I too was a force to be reckoned with despite my size or my age. I, too, was strong and powerful and had a place among the strongest and most powerful men and women before me.
I started learning martial arts before I began elementary school and was competing and winning tournaments by the time I was in Kindergarten. My age was forged because according to others, I was too, young to compete. It did not matter that I had the experience and had been practicing hard and long to be there. These were the rules. So my age was changed on the application. I competed again with kids that were older than I and won. This was my first lesson of learning to fight…fighting for my place, to not have my voice overshadowed by others. To not be underestimated or have others think I would be overpowered by them simply because they were bigger.
This went on for a number of years. We “rocked the boat” during those years. Often I competed in the women’s and even boy’s divisions as a very young girl either because I was not challenged enough in my age division or simply because sometimes there were not enough competitors. Times where competitors were minimal, you had the option of just taking the trophy, but that was not my option. My dad taught me to fight and earn what I was taking. So, I would move to the next or higher division. That sometimes meant fighting the boys or the adults.
We were sometimes met by judges that pushed back attempting to convince us that I would get hurt. Or that I should just take the win in the other area. My dad would ask me what I wanted to do. I wanted to fight! I was confident in what I learned and practiced. Why would I work so hard, just to do nothing with what I learned? I worked hard for this moment. Plus, I did not like being underestimated. No one likes being underestimated. I was fighting for my honor and respect. My place.
I was never overconfident. Yes, my heart raced at every tournament. But when it was “go time”, somehow, that “growl” found it’s way up and out giving me what I needed to go forward. Having my cheering squad always helped, too. Those who believed in me. Adults that were always in my corner who seemed amazed at whatever I did. These were the same men and women who would “spar” with me in the “dojo” to help me prepare for the big days. They were my team, my friends, my family. I looked up to them and as little as I was, they looked up to me too. Talk about a confidence builder. Little did I know that this part of my life was more about teaching me the art of fighting than simply “karate” and tournaments I saw it as back in the day.
I learned confidence, discipline, and teamwork. Such a little girl in a big world found her place early on in life and this was only just the beginning.
Later, my journey would take another turn, as I would begin my journey in the Air Force. A place where I would increase my knowledge and understanding of the art of fighting.
Once plagued by the stigma and stereotype of what that Air Force was and how a career in the military would be, I almost missed my chance at a life-changing opportunity. Like most in our society that is unfamiliar with operational functions of each branch of th armed services, I too was caught up in the myths and limited facts. For so long I had my mind made up of what I would not do based on my limited knowledge about the Armed Services. I fought against any potential knowledge I would receive to help my understanding. My “fight” kept me closed off to information that would potentially help me obtain my future goals.
See, sometimes, it is important to fight to be heard and ensure we are finding our place in life. But just as it is important to be heard it is just as important to listen. We must learn to fight to listen so that we may also, find our place in life. Fighting to listen will allow us to break down stigmas and stereotypes, myths and barriers that keep us from fulfilling our destiny. We must fight to connect us to what we need to move us forward in life. That, sometimes, means, bringing down the level of defensiveness and allowing ourselves to become open to new ways of seeing, believing, and thinking.
I recently shared in an interview, that looking back one of the greatest things that happened to me was the Air Force. As I sit, reflecting about starting DeeCilla Comfort Center, I can recall the life-changing lessons and experiences I learned in the Air Force that prepared me for now. Everything from working medical records, writing policies and instructions, running our TRICARE or finance office, deployment missions, and even operating a recruiting office. Every training, every certification, every job rotation, and additional duty has helped groom and prepared me for now. So, to think I was, at one point adamant that it was not for me, or could not help me…I was wrong. I was fighting the wrong fight and glad I finally gave in.
After all, it helped me with the even greater battle…fighting to help others in their fight for hope and peace in their life.
See, fighting can be a good thing, but it can be a deterrent. It just depends on who and what we are fighting. It is important that we take time to evaluate our fights. Make sure we are not exhausting our time and energy fighting against something that will help make us stronger, better, and more equipped to possibly help others, giving our lives even greater meaning.
Are we open-minded about possibilities and opportunities that stand before us, allowing ourselves to embrace change or blocking potential blessings for ourselves and perhaps someone else? Do we believe we have all the answers and fighting those who were sent to be vital members of our team to perhaps lighten the load or fighting to carry the weight and control ourselves? Are we fighting to receive the honor and respect we deserve that comes with hope, peace, and love or just fighting to be heard over any and everyone else no matter what?
What are you accomplishing in your fight? Are you being tough are just making things tough?
